I think a blog, fair to say, my -own- blog, is the perfect place to let my emotions run loose at this hour when I face the screen and have nobody to talk to.

First of all, I do not think myself above the average person. I prefer to see myself as a 'Jack of All Trades' and with that comes the next half of that phrase 'Yet Master of None'. I am not perfect.

Let that sentence maintain cryptic to some of you. I don't plan on exposing my bare anger to the whole world tonight. It is after all, father's day.

I'd like to think I am just and patient, with almost everyone around me. Some of you pull my heartstrings easier than others, and yet some of you know how to tick me off like a package of compound explosives. When you are facing troubles, I would do what I can to offer my help, assistance or whatever it may be that you need. However sometimes when I am facing something, it is so easy for you to have your backs turned. That is simply amazing and it just puts a cynical smile on my face.

I can swear I have gone beyond the limit this semester. The reservoir of my patience has been run dry and thin. The first time I've felt that I am going insane. The first time I felt that hiding behind the mask and bottling everything up is no longer an option. Yet I do this anyway. I'm not trying to make myself some Saint or Martyr, and I know the weight of the world is not on my shoulders.

I am edging towards being a lest trustful person, cold, bitter and resentful. Yet some of you say this cold demeanor not suitable of my nature. So tell me, what am I supposed to do? Let some of you take advantage of me while you can?

If I could get drunk and drown my sorrows in alcohol like most of you can, I might certainly be doing that right now. I've never felt so bloodthirsty in my life before. So angry and so full of bitterness that I want to hurt someone so badly. I thought I lost all the temper I had to lose many years ago. Looks like I'm wrong. I've never laid a hand, said a word, to anybody, for 6 long years. I'm afraid if I am pushed any further than I can go, ignored, dismissed or neglected anymore, I will snap, and I won't hold anything back anymore.

I'm starting to lose faith in myself that I feel like I'm sinking back into darkness.

I will continue with my masquerade. I hope things change. I really do hope so. For my sake, and for yours.