about me

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Name:: Kevin Tan, Vin, Tan, Kev, Kebin Boi, Shin, Kevie-kun, etc etc..
D.O.B:: 23rd March 1990
Horoscope Sign:: Aries
Chinese Zodiac:: Horse
Email:: lone_redwolf76@hotmail.com
Location:: BSB / KL
School:: Chung Hwa- SRS Datuk Simon Fung- Maktab Nasional- St.George's School- LKW
Hometown:: Kota Kinabalu?
Places I'd like to visit:: I'd love to go around the world if I have the chance.
Loves:: #1 MinMin!, Friends, Food, Drawing, Anime, Reading, Sleeping, Sarcasm, Chatting, Music, Writing, etc..
Fav. Colors:: Silver, Red, Grey, Black, Blue

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Banner host Eminem Lyrics - When I'M Gone !milo@blogskins
Friday, August 31, 2007

50 Years

Happy Independence Day to Malaysia, Negaraku, etc etc. Well, when the clock struck midnight, a lot of fireworks around here went off in multiple directions, sound and music students whipped out their amps and electric guitar and started playing those patriotic songs, and some of those people living on the penthouse floor started the gigantic Jalur Gemilang around. It went on for a while, around 1 hour? Better than a goddamn riot if you ask me, flamethrowers, flash grenades, mini-crackers, and chairs flying out windows and balconies. (Happened several times already)

50 years, really now. Imagine having lived with someone for 50 years of your life. Living with people. Doesn't seem easy as you think.

Yesterday, according to the people we interviewed at Victoria Station, which is a high-class dining restaurant, the Sultan of Brunei was here at one of the branches. Lovely. Ah, well, we did our interview thing yesterday at Victoria Station, Petaling Jaya branch. Quite a nice place with interesting interior design, very western concept. It went smoothly, except for the journey there and and the return journey as we were plagued with traffic. That's about it.

Life is piled with assignments as always. Finish one set, and another set comes. Presentation for our comic next week. Whole weekend and Monday to Thursday left to do it, plus my human Skeletal and Muscle structure isn't done yet. What else is there, hmm, yeah there's Typography for Design Studies, to be presented the week after the next and then 2 journals for Design and Creative Studies.

And as some of you may have known, 60 pictures for Photography, where I have taken roughly about 300 and only 12 have been approved, I suppose the rest I'll have to 'approve' myself and submit, lol. That's for the coming Monday btw, haha.

Been off colour a lot lately, sleeping around 6 or 7, either accompanying my housemates doing assignments, or simply not being able to sleep and so I indulge myself in the PS2. I've been following Burt's diet plan lately, and I think its going well, although I dun suppose I will lose weight that quickly. Wake up in the morning at 6am, eat bread, drink milo, then no makan until dinner, which, for me is usually around 8pm. Got exercise a bit, skipping ropes? Well, unlike Zy's 1000 I dun do that much since I am lazy but I do my push ups and sit ups plus a little bit of other stuff.

On another note, there's something wrong with my friendster account becacuse several settings have been changed without me doing anything. Firstly, my gender has been modified to female, my birthday has been changed to September, my location is in Phoenix, OR, and some of my links been modified to http://alotavagina.com, which I didn't click on, could be a threat to my PC, and then my status is single, my shoutout was removed, and occupation, hometown as well changed. I suppose I should change my password or something.

Lately, I've been so stressed I think I could lash out at anyone around me if they tick me off, which thank goodness, nobody did. I think if I was back in Brunei, my siblings would have suffered my wrath. To pile up my stress is when I can't stop thinking about her and another her. Annoying as it seems, I am trying to cope with it. And if I don't rant or complain I think I will go insane bottling it in, so you can't blame me.

Alright, I guess I should close up this entry now, I've got things to do. See you guys around, and Irene, I guess I'll ask you on how to make a layout later, but I think I still need you to help me code it, haha. My layout change has been delayed over a year, lol.


it's 6:45 PM now

Monday, August 27, 2007

Randomness.

You have no idea how much I want to just pass out on my bed right now. But unfortunately, I can't. Stressful period of time for us students here. It's only semester two, haha. Well, time flies by really fast, like how I mentioned in my previous post. You know, it's not like the assignments are THAT difficult, its just that we don't really have enough time to complete them. But that's understandable I guess...clients and our future employers will push us to finish our projects ASAP too.

Other than that, I don't know how to describe my condition. Purgatory-ish? Haha, stuck in between pain and freedom. Don't know how to break through I guess?

Anyways, we've got a lecturer named Gokillavani (pronounced Go-kill-a-bunny, lol) Anyways, she teaches us ERS, Effective Research Skills. She's been replaced with this so-so, okay looking, with a body curve worthy of some praise, young lecturer. Lol, okay, long weird description. But when she bent over, lalalala. *sly wolf whistle* Hahaha, okay, I guess some people caught my drift? It was not my intention but when it is THAT obvious it is difficult not to notice it. She's called Irene btw, XD Huhu, no offense to the -o r i g i n a l- Irene that we know!

Well, let's see...I met this one girl that I use to like before, back in Form1 in Sabah, let's say one of the first few girls that I actually liked a lot. I met her again here in LKW, call it fate or whatever, but she looks stunning, lol. I'm not sure if she noticed me or not, because we bumped into each other several times without saying anything. If I recall correctly, I think I didn't leave such a deep good impression in her last time beause I was often labeled the loser-geek. Might be different now, somehow, but I'm still afraid to approach her to talk to her. Hahaha..god knows, she could have someone already but I certainly don't mind being friends with her, it's a good start I guess. Well, maybe I'll talk to her when I lose weight u_u"...I seem to be meeting a lot of old friends recently, hmm, what's up with that?

Ah, time is running short. I have too much to do here...I'm dying of exhaustion and stress. And I'm hungry but I want to cut down my food intake. *hint* Chin Fat *hint* Lipo, anyone?


it's 5:56 PM now

Thursday, August 23, 2007

Random Stuff

Time flies by really fast doesn't it? A while ago it seems like I was doing my PMB, and then a while ago I just nearly assaulted one of my teachers, and a while ago I just met Min, and a while ago, I confessed to her, and a while ago we were really happy, and a while ago I was cruising through 2006 with my best mates in Form5 despite O levels. In a blink of an eye, all this happened.

Today ended pretty quickly too.

Things are getting pretty stressful. Not only for me, but for my mates here as well, classmates, housemates. Not easy really, but nyeh, its not meant to be easy I suppose. Some people assume its super easy.

The past few days I've been unwell, but have to push myself to try to finish as many assignments as possible. Do understand, its not easy to put down the pencil and give excuses to the lecturers, and I didn't ask to fall sick during these times.

The tension is high, we're bickering at each other and beating each other up senseless at times here. Sometimes you want to take a chair and throw it out your window or something (which happened on the 6th floor, someone actually did that out of stress.)

People are switching courses, quitting their education, for more than one reason. Some people have to cope with multiple problems, this and that. Relationship tension, family tension, friends going at each other, well..many more.

Recently, and almost everyday, there comes the time I wish things were okay again. I wish Min hadn't left me just like that, I wish I wasn't under so much pressure. It's like, there's an empty hole in my heart, which I'm not sure what I can do with it. The comfort that I had, the warmth, all turned negative. I'm losing my temper more frequently, having a lot of angry thoughts, but all I can do is bottle up as much as possible.

Everyone is going through something I suppose. Argh, I wish I could just punch someone, something. The blood that is coursing through my veins, filled with so much pain and wrath. What to do..what to do. Do I endure it and ignore it, until I eventually stop caring about it? Can I? Well, god knows.

Sleepless when I need to sleep, assignments when I am tired, dumped when I need love, I wonder how bad things will get from here onwards, or when a tide of good things will come wash me clean again. I observe Larrie...and it pains me how he's endured waiting that long, and how he's got nothing in return. I wonder...what can I do? What should I do? Hahaha..well, good night, I suppose I should stop here.


it's 2:30 AM now

Friday, August 17, 2007

You're trash.

What do I want to say?

What do I want to do?

Who am I?

What makes me the person that I am?

What else can I do to forget?

Is this right?

Should I forget?

Should I hold on?

Will my efforts make difference?

And who are you?

And you?

Why are you looking at me like that?

Why am I still thinking of her?

Will it be alright?

Lord, have you heard my prayers?

Will I sleep sound tonight?

Why do I ask?

Who will answer me?

Will this feeling go away?

Will you wait for me while I wait for her?

What do you see in me?

Will you take chances?

Will I take my chances?

Who are you blaming?

Who is it that you want?

When will this ordeal be over in order for another to begin?

Truth be told...I have a lot more questions. But really, I'd rather face anything than this right now. Sorry for being weak, for giving off negativity pulses to people around me. Sorry, for everything thats done, not done, and going to be done. Will update my blog with pictures when I take more pictures for Photography.. =D


it's 10:23 PM now

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Pictures

Got a Nikon D40x DSLR recently for my Photography Module. Awesome, but costly. Some pictures here, some I took from my friend's D40x while practising, some are just his pictures, and some are mine. Captions will be added when I have time. Some pics are in random order.

PS: I have a few more I will upload as my connection isn't stable at the moment. Meanwhile, enjoy.































it's 9:34 PM now

Wednesday, August 08, 2007

Another painfully stupid post.

"Row that boat, row it with your own hands. Don't entrust your oars to those that will rejoice when you're gone."

"sono fune wo goi de yuke omae no te de goi de yuke omae ga kiete yorokobu mono ni omae no ooru wo makaseru na."

"その船を漕いでゆけ お前の手で漕いでゆけお前が消えて喜ぶ者にお前のオールをまかせるな."

I will leave you to ponder upon that phrase. If you do a Google or Wiki search on the phrase I have presented to you above you will find that its from a song called Sorafune, sung by Tokio. It also happens to be the ending theme for the J-Drama, My Boss My Hero, which is based on the Korean movie with the same title. Nice song, nice drama, go check it out.

Well, its about 4.56am now, I have class in a few hours and I am sleepless. Why? Beats me. I think that its obvious enough. Troublesome yet I can't help it that much. My efforts have been quite relentless if you ask me.

I'll be buying a Nikon D40X, a DSLR camera this weekend. I will need to sharpen my skills in using profanity when dealing with the horrid and equally rude shopkeepers in Selangor Photography. Of course after that I will be happily taking pictures of this and that I think. But lately I'm sick of looking at old photos. So sick that its so painful to even think about the so called memory behind those photos. What do they mean to me now except something that I can not obtain for the time being or maybe even in the near future? Well, rejoice. I shall stop that at there.

Funny shit really. I might go and try to have some sleep. Anyways, my internet connection is still not stabilized so I might not receive messages on MSN and you might not receive the ones that I send either.

I've learned a lot from my first week, although it is quite stressful. I might post a summary of the interesting things sometime when I'm free and not thinking about my stupid fucked up relationship with her. Whoops, profanity. Oh Right, it doesn't really matter. Good night and may everyone else sleep better than me. Thanks to my taggers for their support though, mucho love.


it's 4:49 AM now

Thursday, August 02, 2007

Don't read unless you are really bored.

First off, I don't know how to start this entry.

Haha, well, for one I'm frustrated for several obvious reasons for people who read my blog.

I really wonder how some people can joyfully ignore the world that is happening around them and seclude themselves to their 'happiness' and then when they come out of that seclusion they just ignore the world in one way or another. Should I admire them or despise them? I have no clue. Recently there are punks, and I mean punks as in annoying little buggers, living above our unit stomping around and moving their tables and chairs every few hours even when its in the middle of the damn night...

Recently all I've been dreaming of is her. Yeah her. There's no other 'her' for me right now in my life, no matter how much I try to look at other people and stuff like that. Bloody amusing how she's moving on so easily. Or is she? I don't know. Life is cruel. I'd have a lot of things to say but I don't really know whether it'll make any difference.

I mean, who pretends to cry? Can you actually kill off someone's heart just like *snap* and then move on with your pretty little life? Look elsewhere and pretend that the person who you just bloody murdered isn't bleeding at all? I really have no idea. Should I be saying this? Should I just bottle it up, and then suddenly go on a rampage when I've finally lost my mind? How am I supposed to stop myself from dreaming of disgusting images of the other person who's probably replacing me? I think I've done enough prayers, tried harder than I have ever tried, and still hold on after all that shit? Be nice? Let it go? I can only ask myself and find no answer for myself. I don't want to be like this. I didn't ask to be like this but I'm like this anyways. I'm trying to change, I tried to change, and I'm still pushing it to the point that I really feel sick to my stomach trying to do so. I'm forcing it. But I can't leave it now, can I? No matter what direction I turn to, what solutions I seek, all the paths are thorny and set on fire. I don't ask for pity, I don't ask for any sympathy, but I thank anyone who feels for me, or at least understands how stupid one can be at times. I think I might be considered a retard, for writing all this crap and expecting the world to change overnight. But it won't change now, will it?

My life is full of questions. Future is definitely still uncertain. I can only be certain of my past, which was filled with the black, white, and several colours that were painted over the years by friends, by love, now smudged red with the blood that's bleeding straight out of my heart. Scarred, hurt, going insane, I'm going through all this for a girl? Just a girl? I don't know anymore. I might be scolded by people perhaps, who care about me, for being this dumb. Some people scold me and tell me to let her go so she can have her peace. Is she not peaceful enough? Is she not already happy without me, while I, am still here wondering what the hell should I do next to leave this matter out of my head but sometimes I just can't help drowning in this pool of questions, sorrow and stress. No, it's not really affecting my studies. I know where and when I should focus. It's just that when I'm not doing my assignments, I revert back to this state.

How long can I keep this up? Will I be saved? If so, who will save me? Obviously, that despite my own efforts to save myself from this hell on earth, I'm still here setting myself on fire. Be positive? I'm trying. Otherwise I wouldn't be here typing this. Instead you'd probably see me in the newspapers, in the Obituary or maybe the Weekly Accidents page.

Good day, I hope your eyes didn't bleed from reading this. Sorry if it was a complete waste of time, but you were not obligated to read this blog, but if you did anyways, thanks for your time or should I say, sorry for wasting your time? Ciao. I hope I survive the following week to blog another entry.


it's 11:29 PM now