Sometimes there's no glory in playing the hero. Because its not as easy as the fairy tales make it seem.
So help me God, before I break, hold me together and let me see this through.
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2 Weeks. 8 Assignments. 1 young man. 1GB RAM. Insane sleep disorder. Sick and Tired. More than meets the eye. Unchained Melody?
Lol. I'm not okay. I'm not okay. I'm not okay. I'm not okay. I'm not okay. I'm not okay. I'm not okay. I'm not okay. I'm not okay. I'm not okay. I'm not okay. I'm not okay. I'm not okay. I'm not okay. I'm not okay. I'm not okay. I'm not okay. I'm not okay. I'm not okay. I'm not okay. I'm not okay. I'm not okay. I'm not okay. I'm not okay. I'm not okay. I'm not okay. I'm not okay. I'm not okay. I'm not okay. I'm not okay. I'm not okay. I'm not okay. I'm not okay. I'm not okay. I'm not okay. I'm not okay. I'm not okay. I'm not okay. I'm not okay. I'm not okay. I'm not okay. I'm not okay. So help me. Because, I'm not okay. I'm bloody losing focus. 給我多一點機會好不好？
So help me God, before I break, hold me together and let me see this through.
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2 Weeks. 8 Assignments. 1 young man. 1GB RAM. Insane sleep disorder. Sick and Tired. More than meets the eye. Unchained Melody?
Lol. I'm not okay. I'm not okay. I'm not okay. I'm not okay. I'm not okay. I'm not okay. I'm not okay. I'm not okay. I'm not okay. I'm not okay. I'm not okay. I'm not okay. I'm not okay. I'm not okay. I'm not okay. I'm not okay. I'm not okay. I'm not okay. I'm not okay. I'm not okay. I'm not okay. I'm not okay. I'm not okay. I'm not okay. I'm not okay. I'm not okay. I'm not okay. I'm not okay. I'm not okay. I'm not okay. I'm not okay. I'm not okay. I'm not okay. I'm not okay. I'm not okay. I'm not okay. I'm not okay. I'm not okay. I'm not okay. I'm not okay. I'm not okay. I'm not okay. So help me. Because, I'm not okay. I'm bloody losing focus. 給我多一點機會好不好？
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Unchained Melody
Lonely rivers flow to the sea, to the sea
To the open arms of the sea
Lonely rivers sigh, wait for me, wait for me
I'll be coming home, wait for me
Oh, my love, my darling
I've hungered for your touch
A long, lonely time
And time goes by so slowly
And time can do so much
Are you still mine?
I need your love,
I oh I need your love
God speed your love to me
Lonely rivers flow to the sea, to the sea
To the open arms of the sea
Lonely rivers sigh, wait for me, wait for me
I'll be coming home, wait for me
Oh, my love, my darling
I've hungered, hungered for your touch
A long, lonely time
And time goes by so slowly
And time can do so much
Are you still mine?
I need your love,
I oh I need your love
God speed your love to me
To the open arms of the sea
Lonely rivers sigh, wait for me, wait for me
I'll be coming home, wait for me
Oh, my love, my darling
I've hungered for your touch
A long, lonely time
And time goes by so slowly
And time can do so much
Are you still mine?
I need your love,
I oh I need your love
God speed your love to me
Lonely rivers flow to the sea, to the sea
To the open arms of the sea
Lonely rivers sigh, wait for me, wait for me
I'll be coming home, wait for me
Oh, my love, my darling
I've hungered, hungered for your touch
A long, lonely time
And time goes by so slowly
And time can do so much
Are you still mine?
I need your love,
I oh I need your love
God speed your love to me
Dream Diary?
I know this may come off as seemingly odd, but its 7 freaking am in the morning right now. And I just woke up from another random kind of dream. I don't know why, but I feel like blogging. My fingers are numb from the cold, but I guess I'll manage.
So somehow, in this dream of mine, I'm some kind of specter that's haunting or wandering around in a school that I don't know of. And so I wander around observing the people there. Which is really interesting because there are so many things going around in that school.
There's the teacher who really cares about a student who happens to be a delinquent and an orphan. And then a P.E teacher who purposely gets injured everyday so he has an excuse to visit the school nurse. Twin sisters vying for the attention of a single childhood friend who just returned from America. There's also the school principal cheating on his wife with random women from the staff. Lastly there's a boy who strives with his studies and his part-time job so he can buy a bike to impress a girl he likes or something like that. And I just wander around, watching them as they progress with their lives.
Lol, freaky I know. Seems more likely to be the kind of stuff that happens in dramas and seldom in real life. I guess reality isn't that peachy compared to dreams and fairy tails. I guess I'll either go back to sleep or read some books I've been missing out on.
Funny how things work out. Heh, well, good morning. Have a nice day. The sunrise came a bit late today..or perhaps there are simply too many dark clouds around? Did I mention that it's freaking cold?
So somehow, in this dream of mine, I'm some kind of specter that's haunting or wandering around in a school that I don't know of. And so I wander around observing the people there. Which is really interesting because there are so many things going around in that school.
There's the teacher who really cares about a student who happens to be a delinquent and an orphan. And then a P.E teacher who purposely gets injured everyday so he has an excuse to visit the school nurse. Twin sisters vying for the attention of a single childhood friend who just returned from America. There's also the school principal cheating on his wife with random women from the staff. Lastly there's a boy who strives with his studies and his part-time job so he can buy a bike to impress a girl he likes or something like that. And I just wander around, watching them as they progress with their lives.
Lol, freaky I know. Seems more likely to be the kind of stuff that happens in dramas and seldom in real life. I guess reality isn't that peachy compared to dreams and fairy tails. I guess I'll either go back to sleep or read some books I've been missing out on.
Funny how things work out. Heh, well, good morning. Have a nice day. The sunrise came a bit late today..or perhaps there are simply too many dark clouds around? Did I mention that it's freaking cold?
Thursday, October 23, 2008
So I'm wide awake now, well, maybe not wide-wide awake. Just awake. Hmm, had another strange dream. Don't feel like talking bout it lol. All I'm gonna say is that I had a 燭光晚餐 kind of dream. Candlelight dinner.
I'm bored, got work to do. So I'm gonna go get at it. Well, as usual 我好想她。Ciaos.
I'm bored, got work to do. So I'm gonna go get at it. Well, as usual 我好想她。Ciaos.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Rant #3
How it happened amazes me. How the situation was dissolved and those things dissipated even faster, amazes me even more. No, actually, it almost makes me sick. So what is it in the first place, a figment of my imagination, or is it yours that you imposed onto me to make me see a temporary illusion of paradise before bringing down unfair judgment of so much cynicism that shatters that illusion. True, this may be a downhill slope for me. But just you watch. I won't resign to my weakness so easily. Nobody has to admit anything, because I'm not looking for recognition in that aspect. Things just have to work out, then it'll all be fine again. Right now, these six pieces of knives thrust into my being shall be removed one by one and then I'll claim my spoils of war. We injured each other more than we thought we did. I aim these arrows at you even if you want to avoid them. Let them pierce your heart and soul, and let it resonate into your mind. My destination will be yours, because I track the scent of my blood that you carry around after my repeated execution.
Rant #2
I just woke up from a nightmare. Palms all sweaty, trying to think about happy thoughts but my mind's not steady at all. The living room isn't pitch black today. We fixed one of our wall sockets and plugged in an orange light. Gives off a warm feeling, but that's not helping much right now. I've got an invincible cancer eating me up. I'm kinda hungry, since I didn't have any lunch or dinner...maybe I'll go raid the kitchen later. Or go back to sleep and go have a proper breakfast. Sigh, the weather's not helping either. Brain is much too tired to do any work, but I can't go back to sleep after that. Maybe I'll watch some shows and start doing some assignments much later. Heh. Bittersweet memories come flooding in and corrupting my mind right now. Can't think straight. Fuck this shit tonight.
Monday, October 20, 2008
Rant
Pace around inside my head, laying down on my bed staring at my screen. Can't work well, don't have the appetite to eat. Numbed from emotions that come from the past, I didn't realize that I had moved so fast into the present and walking towards the future. In 2 years time, I'll be done and over with my educational life. Or maybe I'll sink deeper and go for another year or so of knowledge gaining and shit. Visions seep in and out of my skull and my eyes don't really see what's in front of me. Rather, I keep seeing the faces and the places of the past especially from 2 years ago. Yeah you know what that means. No regrets, but the first few days of my 'life' flashed before me, wondering what happened to the time then when simple things were enough. When things were sufficient and we didn't need much but have each other and our friends around us. I don't know what happened. It all went by too fast. 2 years seems like its a lot. So how will I feel in 20 years time? Probably needless worrying, or needless thinking, because some people will tell me I need to focus about the things in front of me. I've never been that blissful or conceited in my life before (sorry), so I won't know how your thread of opinions spin around in your head. Somehow I just don't feel like separating this wall of text into needless paragraphs today. Nor do I feel the need to be nice. Kinda tired of putting up a facade all the time. I may be bottling and masking stupid or trivial things...but hey, at least I don't get my bystanders involved. Feel free to walk in and out of my life whenever you like it. It's not like it makes much difference anymore. Sick feeling in my gut makes me want to hurt myself, because there's no other method for me to let go of the pain that clutches my heart so tightly right now. Call me stupid, call me emo, call me whatever you want to call me. I'm just a person with emotions running wild. At least I can still juggle my life well enough that I haven't leapt off a skyscraper yet. Peace.
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Random Hair and Stuff
Pictures are self explanatory. New haircut. Not in studio, so the lighting is pretty crappy and all. Studio shots to be uploaded once resized. Although my hair is different in the studio..hmm. Eating someplace and er...fish spa therapy. I never want to go there ever again. *traumatized* Brr. Anyways. I'm not happy with my day right now. Lol, well..back to work? Where art thou? Heh.
Friday, October 17, 2008
Just woke up a while ago...?
So my lecturer told me I have a 50% chance of getting this idea of mine rejected or approved. But then again, he never mentioned why exactly. Lol. I'm running my brain juice dry trying to think of stuff to raise that percentage. But then again I should be considered lucky since a lot of people have less than that of a chance. 50-50 could be a yes or no, just that plain simple I guess? Damn, its a big assignment, so I'm kinda worrying hahah. I'm gonna scream if someone elses' work isn't up to par and gets approved just like that before me. Rawr. Where's the fairness? Hahaha, ah well. Well, I guess 50% is still better than 0% of being approved.
Hmm, kinda reminds me in another situation I'm in. Heh, well, tonight is a quiet one. Everyone's dead asleep real frickin' early. I've got a few things to blog but I'm kinda lazy to resize all the ginormous images, so maybe I'll do it some other day.
I have 2 Sociology Reports to finish tonight before...let's say...6am? Then there's a studio session early at 9am, because today we totally failed at making it to the studio on time after our haircut.
Let me elaborate. Photography, final assignment, advertising with simple images. What did we choose to do? Hair. That's right. Gatsby hair wax/moving rubber, call it what you want. 3 models, Kenny, Gerald and I. Air Rise hair, Casual hair and dead Spike hair. Believe it or not, I'm doing Air Rise, lol. Hair's a bit thinner and lighter now...gonna post pictures up probably tomorrow.
Anyways, back to the Socio report. I'm done about 80%-90% with one and the other one is at about 50%? Heh. Hopefully I can finish on time to catch some shuteye. Min's not on tonight, she mentioned that she was out, and her net is probably acting up again. Sigh.
Gonna start writing that damn report now. The one good thing I'm good at, but that's the one thing I'm sick and tired of looking at. Night folks. Pleasant slumbers.
Hmm, kinda reminds me in another situation I'm in. Heh, well, tonight is a quiet one. Everyone's dead asleep real frickin' early. I've got a few things to blog but I'm kinda lazy to resize all the ginormous images, so maybe I'll do it some other day.
I have 2 Sociology Reports to finish tonight before...let's say...6am? Then there's a studio session early at 9am, because today we totally failed at making it to the studio on time after our haircut.
Let me elaborate. Photography, final assignment, advertising with simple images. What did we choose to do? Hair. That's right. Gatsby hair wax/moving rubber, call it what you want. 3 models, Kenny, Gerald and I. Air Rise hair, Casual hair and dead Spike hair. Believe it or not, I'm doing Air Rise, lol. Hair's a bit thinner and lighter now...gonna post pictures up probably tomorrow.
Anyways, back to the Socio report. I'm done about 80%-90% with one and the other one is at about 50%? Heh. Hopefully I can finish on time to catch some shuteye. Min's not on tonight, she mentioned that she was out, and her net is probably acting up again. Sigh.
Gonna start writing that damn report now. The one good thing I'm good at, but that's the one thing I'm sick and tired of looking at. Night folks. Pleasant slumbers.
Post Before Sleeping?
It's another day, and another sunrise that I get to watch. Gets kinda dull watching it alone all the time. Been listening to a few songs on repeat since 3am. Done two reports, so yay? Heh, got two more to complete by later, to submit tomorrow. I'm down to about 9 more assignments for the whole semester. And the whole semester being...3 weeks or so? Anyways, I'm going to hit the bunks now, my eyes are tired. But before that, here's something for my sifus to correct for me. =O
眼睛好累啊~
突然很想趕快回家。。爸媽會好嗎？弟妹呢？弟弟好像開始大考試了。
Hmm, 你會不會想我呢？哈哈，有就好吧？Lol, 想太多也沒有用。是不是太累了？
心理有時候很亂。
每一次都好像在打一樣的董事出來。 XD 不會嗎？不知道要打什么了吧。
好啊，打了太多垃圾？晚安！！！！！ 大(豬）小姐，睡好好來哦~ 呼呼~ 不要打我!!! XD
Sifu-sifu sekalian/Dear Sifus, please check for me if got any mistakes. =X
Thursday, October 16, 2008
I'm going off to bed now. I just sent Min a text lol. Well, this officially proves it. My sleep time is distorted. I've got class in a few hours and I have to pay the bills today. Much to do. I've also got two socio reports to write, and some research to do. Sigh. I just feel like screaming right about now. Ciaos.
Strangled Smiles
I typed 3 different entries. I ended up deciding not to post any of them. Hell, I don't even know what I'm doing up right now.
I can't hold back my feelings, I can't stop them or anything. Right now there's a vortex of feelings sucking the life out of me deep within.
But regardless, I've got to get back to my assignments in a bit.
I know I'm a hopeless idiot sometimes. I need to keep my hopes up, spirits high, and keep pressing forward for now. Maybe I can get through to you eventually.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Haunted..
Can't stop thinking bout you no matter what I do.
It's been days. Feelings mixed in with homesickness for once.
I look forward to seeing you again. But holding myself back down every time I'm near you, that's hard to do.
Every time you're not around I start to feel more dull and lonely. Colourless, grey.
But of course..I can't do much. Each time I pull, I might just end up pushing you away.
Using loud music to drown away your haunting voice doesn't even work anymore.
I realize the things I do probably won't make much of a difference. But I can't help but try.
Feeling most helpless whenever I feel distant..
Sigh. Need to catch my breath and continue walking. Night.
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Love Letters and Tears
Well, this time I'm not up doing assignments.
I just woke up from the sweetest dream ever. I'm all in tears though. It seemed like something that would be more likely to happen in the distant past, or in the far future. Something nostalgic that is probably unattainable for me right now.
I ended up going through some old emails, pictures and stuff. The times have changed indeed. And so have you and I.
I remember what started off as something that didn't seem would last more than a few months becoming something more than what I expected. I didn't expect to get sucked in this deep too.
If I think about it carefully, I suppose I've mistreated you more than once, been a little too harsh, said a lot of wrong things, and maybe at some point you had loved me more than I loved you. Strange, I know, but I guess that was then.
This is now. Can't do much, except hold in the pain, and face my back towards the people who laugh blissfully at me. After all, fate offers pain that is deserved, eh? Maybe this is what I get...
My Major Briefing is today. Wish me luck? I don't know what for..but maybe I can decide my future easier and be more confident about it. But whatever the future holds..I'll do what I can to make sure I go through with all the things I've planned..
Going to get back to sleep now. Ciaos.
I just woke up from the sweetest dream ever. I'm all in tears though. It seemed like something that would be more likely to happen in the distant past, or in the far future. Something nostalgic that is probably unattainable for me right now.
I ended up going through some old emails, pictures and stuff. The times have changed indeed. And so have you and I.
I remember what started off as something that didn't seem would last more than a few months becoming something more than what I expected. I didn't expect to get sucked in this deep too.
If I think about it carefully, I suppose I've mistreated you more than once, been a little too harsh, said a lot of wrong things, and maybe at some point you had loved me more than I loved you. Strange, I know, but I guess that was then.
This is now. Can't do much, except hold in the pain, and face my back towards the people who laugh blissfully at me. After all, fate offers pain that is deserved, eh? Maybe this is what I get...
My Major Briefing is today. Wish me luck? I don't know what for..but maybe I can decide my future easier and be more confident about it. But whatever the future holds..I'll do what I can to make sure I go through with all the things I've planned..
Going to get back to sleep now. Ciaos.
Monday, October 13, 2008
孤單
好多東西还沒有作好。。。
Lol, well, its almost 6am. I've got shitloads to do and I'm feeling lonely. I'm a little bit sleepy, but if I slept right now, I won't be able to wake up on time I suppose? Might as well stay up all the way.
每一尺関了眼睛都會看到妳在笑的臉。
Gonna keep going then I guess. Let's see how much I can do in the next few hours. My life is at stake here, heh.
Nights. I hope everyone else is sleeping well.
妳會在夢裏面見到我嗎？
Sunday, October 12, 2008
妳在 那裏！？！？！
Testing something lol.
今晚。不? 就是每天每各時候。。。都是在想妳。妳應該知道吧？哈哈哈~
My chinese not bad I guess? Heh. 不錯?
Hahaha, well, just testing my language settings out.
Gonna go off to bed now. If you can read the above words, and if you know my history well, I'm guessing you know what I'm talking about.
沒有妳我的世界不完美。。。
從 以前到現在。 從我們分手的時候。。從來沒有忘過妳。
Hohoho, that sentence took me so long to construct. XD Well, I'm basically spamming the words I know. Hahaha.
Saturday, October 11, 2008
HEAR ME OUT NOW~~~!!!??
Lol nah, no angry rants today.
In fact, let's try to be sunshiny and er...bright, and whatnot.
I just got home from a karaoke session with the guys (excluding Kenny, because he's such a bastard and won't leave his room because he loves to wan-I mean watch his anime.) My voice sounds like a freaking broken jukebox right now. It's best I don't speak too much. Which is exactly why I'm typing so much right now.
Sang a lot of songs. We went to Neway btw. We got like..2 hours free, and an all you can eat buffet. So like you would imagine, we beasts/carnivores chomped down more than we could actually chew, and left a lot of leftovers for the waiters to clean up after.
Well, anyways, gonna go off to sleep in a few hours. Got some work to catch up on tomorrow.
EDIT: Power trip just occurred. Pretty dangerous here. =/ Could've got shocked. Hmm, need to get new extensions tomorrow. Lol, nights.
我好想她~?
Friday, October 10, 2008
=D
Your Ego is retarded, and so are you.
You're a self opinionated bastard.
I don't hate you, but I dislike you to a certain extent enough to make me want to hit you. Once. At least. Or maybe twice would make me a much happier person?
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And other than that, today sucked, big time. No fun, no nothing. Just pure stress and boredom. I've done a few things. But again, like I said, all with pure unmotivation. I doubt thats even an actual word...
My day would've been much better had you been around. Too bad though.
Gonna catch some sleep in a bit. I haven't touched my DS in days, heh. Nights. Whatever you're up to, wherever you are, hope you're safe and sound. Sweet dreams dear readers.
You're a self opinionated bastard.
I don't hate you, but I dislike you to a certain extent enough to make me want to hit you. Once. At least. Or maybe twice would make me a much happier person?
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And other than that, today sucked, big time. No fun, no nothing. Just pure stress and boredom. I've done a few things. But again, like I said, all with pure unmotivation. I doubt thats even an actual word...
My day would've been much better had you been around. Too bad though.
Gonna catch some sleep in a bit. I haven't touched my DS in days, heh. Nights. Whatever you're up to, wherever you are, hope you're safe and sound. Sweet dreams dear readers.
Thursday, October 09, 2008
Lonely Night
Hmm. Pretty dull and mundane tonight. Quite unmotivated as well. Really bored and lonely right now. I'd get to work...but seriously. Freaking unmotivated. I wish I could do something about this. Nobody to talk to, or chat with either. Heh...good night.
Wednesday, October 08, 2008
On and Off
Awkward. I don't know how to explain it.
Hmm, anyways..I can't sleep. But I'm not up doing any work either. My laptop overheated a while ago and I was forced to cut my online time short. Still kinda hot now, so I won't be on long.
Anyways, thanks to Manzy and some other people who were there to support and listen, I suppose life is slightly adjusted back into balance.
But then again there are issues that just can't be resolved with words and determination because there would always be misunderstandings between the human hearts...
I've been feeling hell lot lazy lately. Its nearing the end of semester, and a lot of final assignment due dates are around the corner. I ain't too keen on working hard. Kind of lost motivation for a moment there I suppose? Trouble with my models and stuff..although the results of my photoshoot proved to be fruitful.
Ah well..life can't get better or worst at this point. I hope. Gonna catch some shuteye now.
And before I forget, a Happy Birthday to Xiang Yun!
There's yet a glimmer of hope from you that hasn't burned out yet...
Hmm, anyways..I can't sleep. But I'm not up doing any work either. My laptop overheated a while ago and I was forced to cut my online time short. Still kinda hot now, so I won't be on long.
Anyways, thanks to Manzy and some other people who were there to support and listen, I suppose life is slightly adjusted back into balance.
But then again there are issues that just can't be resolved with words and determination because there would always be misunderstandings between the human hearts...
I've been feeling hell lot lazy lately. Its nearing the end of semester, and a lot of final assignment due dates are around the corner. I ain't too keen on working hard. Kind of lost motivation for a moment there I suppose? Trouble with my models and stuff..although the results of my photoshoot proved to be fruitful.
Ah well..life can't get better or worst at this point. I hope. Gonna catch some shuteye now.
And before I forget, a Happy Birthday to Xiang Yun!
There's yet a glimmer of hope from you that hasn't burned out yet...
Monday, October 06, 2008
On My Knees
You may not realize, but I'm always on my knees for you.Yeah, I may be a pitiful bastard, so what do you care?
302?
How much tears must be shed before one becomes a man?
Well, you tell me.
My brain is literally splitting in half right now.
My heart? Well, I don't need to mention that.
Class is resuming tomorrow, and I don't feel like going at all.
How to put it? Certain recent events have rendered me pretty much..spiritless.
Kinda running out of space to store some useless emotions. So they're running amok right now.
What do I do? No idea. I can't sleep. That's unhealthy right? Yeah. Lifespan probably cut short because of that lol.
Sigh. I'm gonna read some and check in with dreamland. I know who I'm gonna see the moment I shut my eyes..heh.
Sunday, October 05, 2008
301st Post
Almost 7am.
Do you know anyone who stays awake at this hour? Probably not much.
I got hooked doing something else before this. Not gonna say what.
Well..response to a certain something.
I don't think that you're just a clown that cheers and then gets left unnoticed. For one, I've always noticed. But, that probably doesn't mean as much.
Haha.
When I was in kindergarten I wanted to be a cop when I grew up. When I was in my lower primary, I wanted to be a firefighter. When I was in my upper primary levels, I wanted to be an artist of sorts. In my lower secondaries, I wanted to be a manga-ka. (Comic Book Artist) As I moved on to my upper secondary life, I realized I wanted to do more than just be someone.
I wanted to be somebody's someone special. Which of course made me search, not in frequent obsession but just..yeah, you ought to get my point. I wanted many things. I made sure what I wanted was at the very least attainable, otherwise there would be no point wasting my efforts. Time passed, and I started to aim higher, going after things that would've seemed pointless then, but not now.
Sometimes, you just can't be the person that someone else wants you to be. Or vice versa. Confused? I can't explain. I just envy them somehow. Because they're there, where I want to be, while I'm here, far away. I just don't seem to leave that good of an impression.
Anyways, trying to hold on to my life here. Forget about that, I'm probably talking trash right now. But you know what? I suddenly feel sorry for aborted fetuses. Just a random spur of the moment thing. Have you ever thought, what if they had feelings and consciousness at the time? How would you feel, your infinite future taken away before you were even named? Sad.
I may not be the one you need most. But I'm always there if you want someone around.
I may not be your special someone. But if you're lost, I'll make sure you're found.
The world could turn their backs and abandon you. But you won't be alone.
Even if I'm just a replacement sometimes for someone. You can track me with your phone.
Good Night folks. Better yet, good morning. Have a nice day ahead.
Do you know anyone who stays awake at this hour? Probably not much.
I got hooked doing something else before this. Not gonna say what.
Well..response to a certain something.
I don't think that you're just a clown that cheers and then gets left unnoticed. For one, I've always noticed. But, that probably doesn't mean as much.
Haha.
When I was in kindergarten I wanted to be a cop when I grew up. When I was in my lower primary, I wanted to be a firefighter. When I was in my upper primary levels, I wanted to be an artist of sorts. In my lower secondaries, I wanted to be a manga-ka. (Comic Book Artist) As I moved on to my upper secondary life, I realized I wanted to do more than just be someone.
I wanted to be somebody's someone special. Which of course made me search, not in frequent obsession but just..yeah, you ought to get my point. I wanted many things. I made sure what I wanted was at the very least attainable, otherwise there would be no point wasting my efforts. Time passed, and I started to aim higher, going after things that would've seemed pointless then, but not now.
Sometimes, you just can't be the person that someone else wants you to be. Or vice versa. Confused? I can't explain. I just envy them somehow. Because they're there, where I want to be, while I'm here, far away. I just don't seem to leave that good of an impression.
Anyways, trying to hold on to my life here. Forget about that, I'm probably talking trash right now. But you know what? I suddenly feel sorry for aborted fetuses. Just a random spur of the moment thing. Have you ever thought, what if they had feelings and consciousness at the time? How would you feel, your infinite future taken away before you were even named? Sad.
I may not be the one you need most. But I'm always there if you want someone around.
I may not be your special someone. But if you're lost, I'll make sure you're found.
The world could turn their backs and abandon you. But you won't be alone.
Even if I'm just a replacement sometimes for someone. You can track me with your phone.
Good Night folks. Better yet, good morning. Have a nice day ahead.
Saturday, October 04, 2008
-Warning- : Post contains extremely coarse language.
How well do you know me?
I doubt you know me well enough.
Actually, you don't even know me.
To know me inside and outside.
So who gave you permission to begin judging me, based on certain things I've done, never knowing the reason?
Put you in my shoes, put you in my situation, you wouldn't want to be alive right now.
That's right, you think this is easy, you think this isn't admirable at all.
I'm sorry, but you should just go fuck yourself.
Think you're tough, think you're awesome,
Thing is you're desperate just cuz you're lonesome.
Misunderstand all the words thats said,
Just hoping your lil' bullshit would get you laid.
Nobody's a sucker for your sick little joke,
I've got enough reasons to make you choke.
So stop playing with fire, and back away from me,
Unless beaten into a pulp is something you wanna be.
P.S : No, I don't think that was a poem. Well, its not rap either. Just a piece of my mind. My temper is under a limit that I'm holding onto right now. Otherwise, you'd be missing a chunk of flesh from your shoulder once I get a hold of you. Don't be bitching when you're living a perfectly comfortable life, surrounded with family and friends, have not lost anything dear to you at all, and have no troubles with your studies at all. Seriously, get me started and RAWR. You're fucked.
I doubt you know me well enough.
Actually, you don't even know me.
To know me inside and outside.
So who gave you permission to begin judging me, based on certain things I've done, never knowing the reason?
Put you in my shoes, put you in my situation, you wouldn't want to be alive right now.
That's right, you think this is easy, you think this isn't admirable at all.
I'm sorry, but you should just go fuck yourself.
Think you're tough, think you're awesome,
Thing is you're desperate just cuz you're lonesome.
Misunderstand all the words thats said,
Just hoping your lil' bullshit would get you laid.
Nobody's a sucker for your sick little joke,
I've got enough reasons to make you choke.
So stop playing with fire, and back away from me,
Unless beaten into a pulp is something you wanna be.
P.S : No, I don't think that was a poem. Well, its not rap either. Just a piece of my mind. My temper is under a limit that I'm holding onto right now. Otherwise, you'd be missing a chunk of flesh from your shoulder once I get a hold of you. Don't be bitching when you're living a perfectly comfortable life, surrounded with family and friends, have not lost anything dear to you at all, and have no troubles with your studies at all. Seriously, get me started and RAWR. You're fucked.
Friday, October 03, 2008
Meh-mories.
After reading Manzy's blog, I realize there are a lot of other things I haven't thought of in a while.
I missed Art Week, building the wall with the guys and then decorating the class till nightfall.
I miss staying back after school, walking to CHMS or Pasar to be with Min until I had to go home.
I miss watching her performances. I remembered once where I walked all the way from my house to CHMS to watch her dance, lol.
I miss escaping extra classes and going to Yayasan with the JAM girls.
I miss having lunch/dinner with Burt and Irene.
I certainly don't miss the cinemas there...Although there are fond memories. How my arm was nearly broken off when we watched The Maid for the second time during the Hungry Ghost Festival.
I miss being sneaky with Min lol.
I miss shouting and screaming with the guys in CCs.
I miss my mom's cooking. A lot.
Heh, depressing. So free yet so restrained and trapped. What's to become to us eh? Not looking forward enough. Constantly seeking the past, things that we've lost.
Well, no point dwelling. Some people seek the past..some focus on the present, some fight for their future. I think all three are important..hmm. Learn from the past, live in the present to walk towards the future? Hahaha. Easier said than done.
Irreversable, unforgettable, bittersweet memories of youth.
I missed Art Week, building the wall with the guys and then decorating the class till nightfall.
I miss staying back after school, walking to CHMS or Pasar to be with Min until I had to go home.
I miss watching her performances. I remembered once where I walked all the way from my house to CHMS to watch her dance, lol.
I miss escaping extra classes and going to Yayasan with the JAM girls.
I miss having lunch/dinner with Burt and Irene.
I certainly don't miss the cinemas there...Although there are fond memories. How my arm was nearly broken off when we watched The Maid for the second time during the Hungry Ghost Festival.
I miss being sneaky with Min lol.
I miss shouting and screaming with the guys in CCs.
I miss my mom's cooking. A lot.
Heh, depressing. So free yet so restrained and trapped. What's to become to us eh? Not looking forward enough. Constantly seeking the past, things that we've lost.
Well, no point dwelling. Some people seek the past..some focus on the present, some fight for their future. I think all three are important..hmm. Learn from the past, live in the present to walk towards the future? Hahaha. Easier said than done.
Irreversable, unforgettable, bittersweet memories of youth.
This is me?
Look at you, a dull edge not sharpened,
Precious memories all forgotten.
The melody goes on without you, 1-2-3,
Don't know how to set myself free.
Seeing you again, the world becomes right.
But all comes crashing, when you leave my sight.
I have the mask of the villain on right now,
Can't free myself from this role anyhow.
Expectations broken and shattered my dream,
Tears roll down my cheeks like a stream.
Bottle of feelings can't hold no more,
Being so patient, my heart is sore.
Tired of being so numb and fake,
Smiling for your goddamn sake.
My heart fades to black after so long,
Can't even differentiate whats right and wrong.
Maybe you don't realize all the things I do isn't out of courtesy,
Yet you still can't even look at me, still thinking bout trash that can never be.
But I can't seem to release myself from this prison of walls,
And in the end I'm still the one that falls.
I can't do anything but stand still,
And wait at the promised place near the hill.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
T'night is a cold indeed. Don't feel very well, but my mask is still intact. Unfortunately, no, not a facial mask. I'd be done in before I wear one of those I think. Head's a bit not right, I think my stress levels broke through the barriers. Truth be told, I've got plenty more reasons to be rather emotional and burning with rage right now, but I guess that story is better left untold.
Life is brilliant really. The universe chooses to drop a pile of load on me at this time. Not the best time to do that at all. I wonder what kind of crappy planetary alignment is causing this? Not that I believe in that anyways but yeah...
Well, I've been laying low a lot lately. Haven't talked much to people. Not feeling very talkative. Especially not when my mood is pretty rotten that I have the urge to bite a few chunks of meat off one or two particular person's shoulders..Well, they don't know who they are, so that's good.
Some people are really freakishly insensitive and have really low sense of sarcasm. They don't even realize when others are telling them to back off. I wonder how many hints they need before they get it...Hmm, well, enough about that.
Something else I don't get. Why on the freaking hell on earth do you want to be in the position that I'm in right now? To be quite honest, I'd much rather be happy and in peace, just that my situation doesn't help much and doesn't go well with what I want. You wanna be dumped in hell, and for no apparent reason? Dude, like seriously, you on crack or something? If you need attention, there are better methods you know..Like pulling off a heel flip kick on a skateboard in front a bunch of blondies. That'll get you what you want. For pete's sake, who in the hell does things like you? And I thought I was desperate.
Meh, I'm tired. But I ain't gonna sleep yet. I can't. Gonna run off and do something before I check into dreamland tonight. I hope I run into the people that I would so love to bite in my dreams and tear them limb from limb and rip them into shreds of meat that their parents won't recognize them...I may seem immature and insensitive, but thats not for you to decide.
Precious memories all forgotten.
The melody goes on without you, 1-2-3,
Don't know how to set myself free.
Seeing you again, the world becomes right.
But all comes crashing, when you leave my sight.
I have the mask of the villain on right now,
Can't free myself from this role anyhow.
Expectations broken and shattered my dream,
Tears roll down my cheeks like a stream.
Bottle of feelings can't hold no more,
Being so patient, my heart is sore.
Tired of being so numb and fake,
Smiling for your goddamn sake.
My heart fades to black after so long,
Can't even differentiate whats right and wrong.
Maybe you don't realize all the things I do isn't out of courtesy,
Yet you still can't even look at me, still thinking bout trash that can never be.
But I can't seem to release myself from this prison of walls,
And in the end I'm still the one that falls.
I can't do anything but stand still,
And wait at the promised place near the hill.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
T'night is a cold indeed. Don't feel very well, but my mask is still intact. Unfortunately, no, not a facial mask. I'd be done in before I wear one of those I think. Head's a bit not right, I think my stress levels broke through the barriers. Truth be told, I've got plenty more reasons to be rather emotional and burning with rage right now, but I guess that story is better left untold.
Life is brilliant really. The universe chooses to drop a pile of load on me at this time. Not the best time to do that at all. I wonder what kind of crappy planetary alignment is causing this? Not that I believe in that anyways but yeah...
Well, I've been laying low a lot lately. Haven't talked much to people. Not feeling very talkative. Especially not when my mood is pretty rotten that I have the urge to bite a few chunks of meat off one or two particular person's shoulders..Well, they don't know who they are, so that's good.
Some people are really freakishly insensitive and have really low sense of sarcasm. They don't even realize when others are telling them to back off. I wonder how many hints they need before they get it...Hmm, well, enough about that.
Something else I don't get. Why on the freaking hell on earth do you want to be in the position that I'm in right now? To be quite honest, I'd much rather be happy and in peace, just that my situation doesn't help much and doesn't go well with what I want. You wanna be dumped in hell, and for no apparent reason? Dude, like seriously, you on crack or something? If you need attention, there are better methods you know..Like pulling off a heel flip kick on a skateboard in front a bunch of blondies. That'll get you what you want. For pete's sake, who in the hell does things like you? And I thought I was desperate.
Meh, I'm tired. But I ain't gonna sleep yet. I can't. Gonna run off and do something before I check into dreamland tonight. I hope I run into the people that I would so love to bite in my dreams and tear them limb from limb and rip them into shreds of meat that their parents won't recognize them...I may seem immature and insensitive, but thats not for you to decide.
Wednesday, October 01, 2008
The way your lip curls when you smile tell me otherwise...
Sometimes, in the face of pressure, anger and depression..we have to be strong, no doubt about that.
Sometimes, we put on layers and layers of masks to prevent people from knowing how we feel. Either because we don't want to burden them with problems, or because they're tired of hearing the same old shit.
But, if you've been doing that for a long time. Let's say almost 480 days. Or a year plus to be exact. You begin to wonder which is your real self. Where'd your real smile run off to? The one you had on when you were really pleased, not the one you have on when you want to hide all the sadness.
You tend to change. Some people can see that, some people can't see through it at all. Some remain ignorant that you're actually going through something.
You've heard of heroes who bare the burden of the world on their shoulders, of heroes who saved the world and remain in modesty several times.
Well, I guess I'm not as modest as them, neither am I a hero of sorts. I just want my world to stand up still, to not crash down on me, to have my mask removed one day, to release the contents inside the demon's bottle into the ocean of the past.
So...waiting for that day to come now. For now I just have to continue putting on this persona, to hide another uglier one, to guard the dark cell where something hideous resides. I'm sure a lot of people have this inside..good luck guarding yours.
Just a random post after all.
Sometimes, we put on layers and layers of masks to prevent people from knowing how we feel. Either because we don't want to burden them with problems, or because they're tired of hearing the same old shit.
But, if you've been doing that for a long time. Let's say almost 480 days. Or a year plus to be exact. You begin to wonder which is your real self. Where'd your real smile run off to? The one you had on when you were really pleased, not the one you have on when you want to hide all the sadness.
You tend to change. Some people can see that, some people can't see through it at all. Some remain ignorant that you're actually going through something.
You've heard of heroes who bare the burden of the world on their shoulders, of heroes who saved the world and remain in modesty several times.
Well, I guess I'm not as modest as them, neither am I a hero of sorts. I just want my world to stand up still, to not crash down on me, to have my mask removed one day, to release the contents inside the demon's bottle into the ocean of the past.
So...waiting for that day to come now. For now I just have to continue putting on this persona, to hide another uglier one, to guard the dark cell where something hideous resides. I'm sure a lot of people have this inside..good luck guarding yours.
Just a random post after all.