What does it mean to die?

Some people say your heart stops beating, and then you just die.

But to me, it means when you stop loving. When you lose the ability to love.

Well, my life might be ending soon. I'm stranded here, maybe its not what I think it is, but I'm suffering. This sucks.

I wish I could control myself better. But I can't. I'm stubborn.

How I wish I had some kind of death sickness..Brain Tumour, Cancer..just maybe then. Maybe you'd care for me more then.

Every night I pray. Shorten my life. I don't give a crap. Just shorten my life. Even 3 days is what I have left. If you give me your all in 3 days. Then nothing else matters. I'm happy.

Maybe its a selfish, immature thought. But yeah. Or I'm just asking for too much.

I love you too much. Maybe. All the hugs in the world won't cure me now. It's too late. I'm at my limit. My whole life is flashing before my eyes. And my whole life is you. All I want to see is you. Hear you. Hug, Hold, Kiss..whatever..I just need you. Even if its for a while. Its all I need right now. I'm just so under pressure...Please don't go fucking telling me what abt next year? I won't be here and shit. Fuck, that's a totally different situation..

ARGH. So many things I want to say, I don't want to say. What if I lose you? I don't even want to go there...hahahahahaha. I should admit myself into a mental hospital. I'm at a critical point now. Sigh. I'm..out of words. I can't tell you how I feel, for many reasons. Oh..forget it. I'm through. I'm out of here. Lol, good night. Happy Belated Birthday, and Happy Belated Halloween.

His voice won't reach you anymore...

Why the fuck are you hurting him? Maybe you're not doing it on purpose..But fuck, why do you care so much what others think? Isn't he more important? FUCK PEER PRESSURE.

He doesn't fucking regret anything. He just loves you, why can't you sacrifice a bit? He's done so much for you..you know that? What is he to you? Come to your senses. While you have the chance. While he's still here, living, waiting.

You know he's always waiting right? I would probably give up, I have an effing short temper..You'd probably piss me off if I was to wait. Enough about that, just open your eyes. He doesn't want so much, he just wants you to understand him, love him. Please don't say that's too much..after all the FUCKING THINGS HE'S DONE. I FUCKING WATCH EVERYTHING. HE'S THE ONLY ONE GETTING HURT IN THIS.

Alright, fuck everybody else after this. I'm through. Just realize what you have, before you lose it. And you'll regret it if you lose him. I'm sure of it. I'm off.

it's 11:18 PM now