First and foremost, I hope this doesn't offend anyone. If it does, sorry. This is just what I'm feeling, and if I don't let it out, I'll go berserk, rampage..maybe worse. But yeah, it's me, my blog, and my thoughts. Respect me for that. I'm in deep pain, very deep pain. No, it cannot be compared with other people's because everyone is different, but I just can't handle myself right now. (Don't start with 'Oh, you're better off than other people..look that kid is going to die soon..I already know that. So don't bother..) I don't know how to get rid of this fucking feeling. It's like a hole is punctured in my soul. No, it's not that I can't be happy. I can. But why? Why is this feeling haunting me? It hurts, it really does. It breaks me down. My eyes well up with tears, and they simply stroll down my cheek. Really, it just sucks. I bet its really disturbing when you guys read this. Sounds like I'm really breaking down and going mental huh? How do I feel really? Okay, let me explain... It's like having thorns wrapped around my heart. It's like having knives repeatedly stabbed into them. Its a repeated cycle of fucked up feelings. I've never felt this bad since Form2. If I could grab my heart, rip it out, and show it to you, I would. I really would. It's deep sorrow, confusion, anger. Please, don't give me crap about how this and that works. It's not the same for every person. And everyone has a fucking limit. I'm at mine right now, my emotional and mental limit. It could be loneliness, or self hating feelings, internal struggles, or maybe I'm just Bipolar? And I don't even know what that means. Lately that's all I've been really feeling. Maybe I'm different on the outside, just maybe. Maybe I don't show it. But yeah, it sucks. Maybe it's not fair, maybe it is. Maybe I've done something wrong, and this is my retribution? Day by day I live with this shit-fuck-ass-screwed up emotion. I don't even know what this is. I wanna go on, I really do. It's not easy. I'm just human. I've been sleepless for nights and nights, And maybe you think, won't this screw up your studies? Hell no. I may be breaking apart like meat being ripped apart by two wolves. But I'm still standing. Ain't letting my fucking emotions get in the way of what I want to do. I'm just saying, I just fucking hate this feeling, and I don't know how long I can live with it. A little pressure ticks me off, my long lost temper has returned, I'm more sensitive to certain issues now...and all that. Maybe I'm selfish, and all that, you may say..because I want certain things to go my way. But I don't force it. I just fucking let it go on. You can say all those things about accepting, letting it go and such. But its not easy. Life isn't easy. Nobody ever said it was..etc etc. I've heard it more than once. But fuck, I'm still going. My way. I've got a will of my own, free thought. Maybe its stupid of me going like this. Being 'negative' if you want to call it, or maybe I'm being a jerk, or an asshole. I may lose friends over this behaviour of mine. So before that, I deeply apologize. If this sounds like a blog of a deranged person and all that..well yeah, go ahead, think what you want to think, say what you want to say. I'm all mixed up. I'll go lie down in bed till I fall asleep hours later. Good Night Folks. This is not for attention, this is not asking for deep deep sympathy. I'm just in need a place to let off steam. Lots of it. God Bless those sitting for their exams. (See, I don't hate God or anything...I just can't hear his voice right now...) Econs 1 was beautiful. Econs two..well, I might just make it. I hope. There may be many many things I am not happy about, or I do not like...etc etc. Argh. I don't know what to say anymore. Don't judge me, that's all. You can judge my problems, give me your opinions. But maybe I won't accept them, but I'll respect them without dissing them. Good Night, once more. I'm going on a roller-coaster ride baby...all alone.

it's 11:33 PM now