Last night. I couldn't take it anymore. The reality of things is..harsh. I cried like a baby, then I slept like one. Till right now. I slept, ignoring all the negativity, all the evil thoughts, all the anger and loneliness that I've contained. A sleep without dreams. But of course, once I woke up, put my two feet on the ground, all those emotions came flooding back. I was bitter. Such is life. I brushed my teeth, washed my face, combed my hair, put on some decent clothes..and proceeded to meet my client for work.
Sometimes there's pleasure not knowing. Knowing hurts. Knowing can drive someone insane. I'd rather not know, but my nature is curious to begin with. When you're alone, your mind wanders, and as to what extend it wanders, I have no clue.
My patience is running on thin ice now. Very thin. If you think you can mess around with my feelings, no matter who you are, I will snap. If you think it's funny, or you think right now the state that I am in is bad enough, then you probably don't know me that well. Care, Calm and Consideration the 3Cs will be lost. Well, I'm just saying.
What I'm doing right now is trying to distract myself, on my own, with other things. Let's just say it takes a lot to take my mind off things. Well, whatever. I just have to be strong. There's still people who depend on me..regardless of my state of mind. Let's just hope all this negativity shall dissipate on its own, shall we?
I'm gonna start a separate blog soon..to host my work so far. Let's just say I'm starting an online portfolio. I should get to designing it soon..and coding. Sigh. Well, let the Red Wolf Howl..
Sometimes there's pleasure not knowing. Knowing hurts. Knowing can drive someone insane. I'd rather not know, but my nature is curious to begin with. When you're alone, your mind wanders, and as to what extend it wanders, I have no clue.
My patience is running on thin ice now. Very thin. If you think you can mess around with my feelings, no matter who you are, I will snap. If you think it's funny, or you think right now the state that I am in is bad enough, then you probably don't know me that well. Care, Calm and Consideration the 3Cs will be lost. Well, I'm just saying.
What I'm doing right now is trying to distract myself, on my own, with other things. Let's just say it takes a lot to take my mind off things. Well, whatever. I just have to be strong. There's still people who depend on me..regardless of my state of mind. Let's just hope all this negativity shall dissipate on its own, shall we?
I'm gonna start a separate blog soon..to host my work so far. Let's just say I'm starting an online portfolio. I should get to designing it soon..and coding. Sigh. Well, let the Red Wolf Howl..
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Go Fuck Yourself.
Strange Rant
The world revolves around you, is sometimes a fun concept.
However, thinking that it is fine for the world to be put into ruin for your sake, is nothing but a selfish thought.
People who shift in and out of your life whenever it is convenient for themselves. People who take advantage of your kindness and then leave you to rot when you need someone to back you. People who seek your attention when they are in need and when you're not needed you're left alone to ponder "Why is it this way?"
But no, luckily, this is bearable. What goes around comes around. Some people aren't as weak as you think they are. Fighting battles and wars everyday, doing what they can to survive, to shape the blank future with their hands. These people are not to be underestimated.
In a game of poker, if you have the winning card in your hand, would you be cautious on how to play it, sacrifice it, risk it or destroy yourself?
Sigh, I dunno. I'm randomly ranting. I'm having a bad day. Clients getting on my nerve. Not feeling well. The only texts and calls I'm getting are from my clients. Other than that...nobody else. Well, it's to be expected. My glasses broke. I need a new pair. Bleh. I wish my desktop was here. That'd take my mind a load of things. Then I can ignore the devil's whisperings and not feel like I'm about to implode on myself.
Well. Whatever. Life goes on. Work work work.
However, thinking that it is fine for the world to be put into ruin for your sake, is nothing but a selfish thought.
People who shift in and out of your life whenever it is convenient for themselves. People who take advantage of your kindness and then leave you to rot when you need someone to back you. People who seek your attention when they are in need and when you're not needed you're left alone to ponder "Why is it this way?"
But no, luckily, this is bearable. What goes around comes around. Some people aren't as weak as you think they are. Fighting battles and wars everyday, doing what they can to survive, to shape the blank future with their hands. These people are not to be underestimated.
In a game of poker, if you have the winning card in your hand, would you be cautious on how to play it, sacrifice it, risk it or destroy yourself?
Sigh, I dunno. I'm randomly ranting. I'm having a bad day. Clients getting on my nerve. Not feeling well. The only texts and calls I'm getting are from my clients. Other than that...nobody else. Well, it's to be expected. My glasses broke. I need a new pair. Bleh. I wish my desktop was here. That'd take my mind a load of things. Then I can ignore the devil's whisperings and not feel like I'm about to implode on myself.
Well. Whatever. Life goes on. Work work work.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Project Red Wolf
New world. New things. New experience. Well, it's been a while I've been stuck in my comfort zone. Time to start something. Well, I'm not sure how it's gonna go but here it is. One of my projects. =O
I've completed a project for BriD EX (Brunei International Defence Exhibition) just a few days ago, and soon I'll be working on another for Pusat Ehsan. At least this time around I've got decent clients. =O Well, if you're interested in getting me to work for you, just leave a message on the tagboard. If it's under time constraint and depending on the difficulty of the job, I do require extra payment. That is all. I'm doing all this to build up on my portfolio. Well, I still have a bunch of projects to initiate, but let's start small, shall we? Wish me luck!
Friday, June 19, 2009
Well. Something rotten just came up in my mind. It's not worth talking about so I guess I'll head off to sleep. Still have trouble adjusting my sleep pattern.
Long story short.
Guy next to me on plane.
Kept farting.
All the way.
2 Hours.
Without going to the bathroom.
He.
Nearly killed me.
Argh.
Am home.
Am tired.
Set up my 'nest'.
Got to see dear again.
Her hair is nice.
Me likes.
Family is fine.
Tired.
Sleep.
Tomorrow lunch.
Yay.
But, dear's busy.
So, boo.
Need to make plans.
G'nights.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Counting Down..
A few hours more.
I'll be able to see my family.
I'll be able to see you again.
It's been a while.
How much has changed?
What will the air be like?
------------------------
Just finished packing. Now transferring stuff from HDD to PC and laptop to HDD etc etc. Too lazy to format. Don't have my XP CD with me anyways. Without realizing it, it's been 6 months since we got back together. Time sure flies. Well, I'll see you again in a few hours. =)
Night folks. Will blog again when I arrive there.
I'll be able to see my family.
I'll be able to see you again.
It's been a while.
How much has changed?
What will the air be like?
------------------------
Just finished packing. Now transferring stuff from HDD to PC and laptop to HDD etc etc. Too lazy to format. Don't have my XP CD with me anyways. Without realizing it, it's been 6 months since we got back together. Time sure flies. Well, I'll see you again in a few hours. =)
Night folks. Will blog again when I arrive there.
Monday, June 15, 2009
I'm ignored when I'm not needed.
Let me go home in peace.
I just wanna go home..and be with you.
Edit - 400th post. Lol. Not that anyone cares.
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Today I...
...feel like I wanna be a parent. But of course those feelings are just half-baked. I don't have the urges to have kids yet, eventhough I like them. Well, some of them. Not financially able either.
Went to Midvalley today. Met with Larrie, Roger and his gf. On my side was Ang, Sean and Ah Hao.
Well, details for Dvtx.
I saw a lot of things today. There's this pair, husband and wife just casually walking around. The wife was pregnant and she was talking to herself (or her baby) and the husband was like pointing out the baby stores and saying what stuff to get and all, seemed sweet to me. Wish I had my camera, would've made a great shot. Too bad I'm leaving it at Larrie's, since he needs it for his assignment.
Then later a floor above, I saw a baby rolling around a huge huge bed. Well, they had bedroom stuff on sale, and apparently this lady left her baby on the bed. So cute. I think it was a girl. Haha, she was there and the people around were just watching until the shopkeeper told them off. Spoilsport.
Made me all fuzzy inside though. But a little lonely too. A lot of couples out today. Or maybe there's this many couples out everyday, just that I never seem to notice since I'm mostly cooped up at home. People holding hands, clinging onto each other, being playful and stuff. Lol, almost makes me feel like tearing up. I only get that like..seasonally. Haha, if you put it that way. Well, I'm having heartburns, so I'm gonna go off to bed now. Will be updating on my other blogs soon. Nights.
Went to Midvalley today. Met with Larrie, Roger and his gf. On my side was Ang, Sean and Ah Hao.
Well, details for Dvtx.
I saw a lot of things today. There's this pair, husband and wife just casually walking around. The wife was pregnant and she was talking to herself (or her baby) and the husband was like pointing out the baby stores and saying what stuff to get and all, seemed sweet to me. Wish I had my camera, would've made a great shot. Too bad I'm leaving it at Larrie's, since he needs it for his assignment.
Then later a floor above, I saw a baby rolling around a huge huge bed. Well, they had bedroom stuff on sale, and apparently this lady left her baby on the bed. So cute. I think it was a girl. Haha, she was there and the people around were just watching until the shopkeeper told them off. Spoilsport.
Made me all fuzzy inside though. But a little lonely too. A lot of couples out today. Or maybe there's this many couples out everyday, just that I never seem to notice since I'm mostly cooped up at home. People holding hands, clinging onto each other, being playful and stuff. Lol, almost makes me feel like tearing up. I only get that like..seasonally. Haha, if you put it that way. Well, I'm having heartburns, so I'm gonna go off to bed now. Will be updating on my other blogs soon. Nights.